My mother used to say you could tell the character of a person by the condition of their hotel room after they checked out. Does one hang the wet towels over the shower bar, drop them on the tile floor or make sure they land on the bed? In other words, does one consider even what the maid has to clean up or what the next tenant must endure or does one trash the place because they won't be held accountable or just because no one they know will know they are an inconsiderate slob? It's a matter of underlying character. The truth is that we all pay for the inconsiderate people who stay in hotel rooms because the room rates go up to cover cleaning up after them. Life is like that; there are consequences to everything we do or don't do whether we realize it or not.
I don't look up to sports figures because so many of them seem to be over paid, spoiled and protected THUGS. Even though I did a blog entry about Tiger Woods, I really couldn't care less how many women he sleeps with. But I do care when one holds themselves out as basically a package product represented as one thing and it turns out that is a lie. Portray Tiger as a great golfer? Sure, fine. Portray him as a "family man"? Hell, no! Manage that image to avoid lies please. That they don't do that anymore is exactly why I don't look up to public people much now All too often they have skeletons that come tumbling from the closets sooner or later and, in a way, I think these kinds are more despicable than the over paid, spoiled THUGS that are in the news - at least we know they beat their wives!
Then along comes a story like the one about golfer Brian Davis. He ratted himself out; lost a match because of it. "Immediately after the shot, Davis called over a rules official, who conferred with television replays and confirmed the movement -- but movement which was only visible on slow-motion." That little motion cost him a 2 stroke penalty and the match. Sure, maybe he would have gotten "caught" or called out. Still, I can't but admire someone who steps up, immediately, without hesitation and fesses up to take the penalty - to play by the rules.
And I can't but wonder , if Tiger would lie to his wife and misrepresent his image, would Tiger be so honest as to rat himself out for something similar on the golf course or wait and hope he didn't get caught. Maybe he's already gotten away with similar dishonesty on the golf course. So, my heart hopes that no skeletons about Brian Davis come tumbling out. I want to believe he is a good sportsman; an honest golfer. I want to believe that in those brief moments Brian's true character was showing through. Hey, people to look up to are hard to find these days and, while I don't follow golf, I'll take my heroes anywhere I can find them!
The world seems so much more populated now with those of low or poor character and I was reading about several of the young ones this morning. "I don’t know what is causing this rise in violence among our youth. Treacy and Ratley are both 15–still children..." Well, my guess is that the rise is at least partly because we treat 15 year olds like children, allowing them to get away with murder and make excuses for them instead of holding them accountable during the years before they are nearly full grown physically and a danger to everyone else.
Wayne Treacy is the young man who rode his bikes several miles to kick the snot out of a young woman named Josie Lou Ratley, leaving her near death and with brain damage. I'll make no excuses for Wayne. Personally, I think it's too late to correct the errors in his upbringing and he should go to jail for the rest of his life for this crime and mostly so that the rest of us will be safe from his temper in the future. Yet I'm troubled by some by Ms. Ratley's behavior as well.
"Police have said that Treacy became enraged when Ratley sent him a text message mentioning his brother Michael, who had committed suicide by hanging himself last October" and it was Wayne who found his brother, a couple of days afterward, hanging from the tree. I can't find a description of the text message Rately sent but I'm sure we'll get to hear about it during the trial. I'm guessing it was quite mean and nasty. She's certainly paid a hefty price for whatever she texted but, if it was a mean and nasty text about Treacy's recently deceased brother, then I have considerably less sympathy for her than I would have had if this had been as originally reported - that he basically attacked someone he didn't know for no reason.
"Ratley's mother, Hilda Gotay Ratley, appeared on "Today" last Wednesday, where she lamented the fact that she's heard no apology from Treacy or his family." Hmmm, have you told what your daughter texted? How about an apology from you for that? Or did you raise your daughter to believe she's to be excused, that everything is always someone else's fault?
"The apologies came Monday morning. Smith [Treacy's stepfather] said he'd talked to Treacy and that he has expressed sorrow over the incident. 'I am so sorry, my heart and prayers go out to you,' Powers [Treacy's mother] said, regarding Hilda Ratley. 'I know the pain that you're going through, I'm just sorry.'" Plain and simple, no excuses made.
And I find this telling: "Hilda Ratley's lawyer, Rick Freedman, said he spoke with her after Monday's "Today" appearance by Treacy's family. 'She is too hurt right now to even think about an apology,' Freedman said in a statement. 'The anger and pain she is feeling is too fresh in her mind and all that she can think about right now is her daughter Josie.'" How interesting. They promptly responded and now she rebuffs their apology. Leads me to believe she doesn't grasp her own daughter's actions certainly contributed to this mess if not down right instigating it.
At common law, in seeking an equitable (non-money) judgment/order, one could not do wrong and then sue the other side for also doing wrong; "those seeking equity must do equity". It's called the Clean Hands Doctrine. It simply incorporates the ancient concept that one cannot expect to be treated better than one treats others. I do not think Josie Ratley has clean hands in this matter; nor should her mother be seeking apologies from others unless she is also willing to offer them up. It's a matter of character and we usually learn it from our parents.
Wayne Treacy has been charged as an adult in this matter as well he should be. Josie Ratley was also a young adult and should not be forgiven her actions despite having probably paid a disproportionate price for them.
We now know that young people's brains do not fully mature until well into the third decade of life, the twentysomething age. Nonetheless, history teaches us that that young people can be taught better behavior long before that;they can be taught to err on the side of caution and it seems that current times are teaching us that our failure to hold them accountable may well be what allows them to misbehave even past the twentysomething age. Historically, the age of responsibility has been between 10 and 13; the age when young people become physically hazardous to the rest of society. Yet the age of choice is almost always several years older than the age of responsibility. In other words, one must generally prove they can handle responsibility before being allowed societal privileges. We should all try to remember that is how it should work and how it works; no matter that we want to protect our children. In fact, over protecting puts them in danger of being held even more accountable to society at large for a much bigger crime and penalty, as is the case for both of these young adults.
Perhaps we should teach our children to hang those towels over the shower bar at a much younger age. Character counts and we learn it from our parents, early and often, for better or worse.